In high school, with the many different circles of friends I had, I was always considered the “strong friend”. Whenever they had problems I was that open ear and that shoulder they could cry on. At first, I felt really happy and appreciative that my friends felt comfortable enough to talk to me about the things go on in their lives. But then as my friends heavily depended on me for advice and to be that constant listening ear, I realized who was I suppose to turn to when I was going through hard times? I felt that this title of being the “strong friend’ prevented me from opening up to my friends because they usually came to me for help. To others they thought I was so “strong willed” and that “I had it all together” when in reality that was the furthest from the truth. I was just okay with suffering in silence. I couldn’t bother others with my burdens. Eventually it got to the point where I got so comfortable with putting everyone else’s problems before my own. Now, I can see I should’ve spoken up sooner, because it has had a heavy impact of how I communicate with those around me about what goes on in my life.
I think I say this all the time, but it’s so true. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Do I have plan and goals? Of course, but I still have no idea where life it going to take me. I’ve been stressing a lot lately because I remember the title of being that strong friend who has their life together, and I look at my life and that’s not at all what I see. I’m not as far in life as I thought I was going to be. Over this weekend I had someone tell me “You have been saying you were trying to get your life together for the past two years.” When I heard that, my heart stopped because I knew that what I had planned for myself is nowhere near where I am right now. But I cannot discredit myself from how far I’ve come. I may stumble and fall and run into trials but I’ve always gotten back up. I deserve to be proud of myself. I may not have pictured my life the way it is but I cannot help but think that there were reasons why my life played the way it did.
Sometimes I catch myself focusing on everything that’s going wrong in my life, that I don’t take the time to appreciate all the good things going on in my life, or the journey of how far I’ve come. I’ve come to the realization that I shouldn’t be scared or feel that I’m “too strong” to seek a friend out when I’m in need of one. I know I can be doing a lot better than I am, but I am at a pretty good place at the moment. My thoughts are jumbled mess at the moment, and this post is all over the place. Hopefully, something good came out of it (lol). Anyway, I hope this weekend is filled with lots of love, laughs and fun! Have a great one my loves❤