The Facade

I feel like my blog is always serious, or it’s on the typical blog topics but I felt I should share with my readers a little bit more about me. Most people will see that I’m “always happy”, they assume because there is a smile on my face that I’m happy. That couldn’t be the furthest from the truth. I have my days where I’m good and then I have my days where it’s just really bad. I guess from some of my blog post you can also tell I struggle a lot.

The truth is I use the facade of being happy to hide my inner feelings. I figure why let people know how much I struggle or let them know about the hard times I go through when I can just hide what I’m feeling and not have to face my problems head on. It’s worked for many years and as I became older I realized I could no longer hide from my problems. I had to really choose to be happy and not just fake it for everyone else. Where I am in my life is the perfect time for me to be selfish because I really only have myself to worry about. I am capable of making my own choices and decisions because it’s my life, I am the one who will be living with the consequences and such.

There are days I lack the motivation to even get out of bed in the morning and it can be so frustrating because this is not how I wanted to live my life.. But I have to be my own cheerleader and try to push past the negative thoughts and emotions I have going on. It’s so easy to say “be positive” or “be happy” especially when you’ve gone through certain experiences that weighs you down. But I continue to encourage others to be positive and to be happy because in reality that’s what I’d want someone to do for me. To just be that guide that helps me find my way when I’ve the path.

It’s not easy. I know this. But I keep pushing myself because I’ve come too far to just give up or go back to a place where I wasn’t even sure if life was worth living. I just wanted to say that even though I may be smiling and laughing all the time, I do have my days where I don’t want to smile or laugh or days I just want to be left alone. And I’m perfectly fine with that because I know that even with a little progress I’ll get there.