self reflection,  Uncategorized

Insecurities

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Insecurities, we all have them. I am absolutely no stranger to insecurities I’ve had them for as long I can remember. And to this day my insecurities are the same things as they were since I was in elementary/middle/high school. I’ve always felt insecure about how I looked. I’ve always felt uncomfortable in my skin, because I’m black. My hair was different from other people’s and I’ve always been heavier. I definitely had my fair shares of dealing with bullies and it’s always the same. They harp on my insecurities. So what do I do?

As a young girl, I didn’t think I was pretty. I had some friends who were so beautiful, I felt I couldn’t even compete! I always felt like the fat and ugly friend. And in all truths, that’s literally what I was. So my freshman year, I decided that I would stop eating. I would tell myself that I was too busy to eat and when I did eat it was small portions. And I felt like I was progressing, that I was losing weight. But it wasn’t enough. There was also the problem of guys not having an attraction for me. I didn’t feel pretty and mentally it messed a lot with my head. I just didn’t feel good about anything, and the only way I could deal with my struggles was through physical pain.

I started cutting myself using a eyebrow razor. Feeling that physical pain took my mind off of everything else. And it gave me temporary happiness. But it still wasn’t enough for me. So I continue to cut myself and basically starve myself, until my cousin called me out on what I was doing. She helped me move on from starving and cutting myself by basically gluing herself to me and taking away my razor. It took me a while to accept the idea that in order for others to love me, I had to love myself. It’s not easy, at all, working through insecurities. I’m still working through mine till this day, but don’t give up. Because the only way I was going to get over my weight was to do something about it! I had to get active and physical change because that’s what I wanted.

And so I did, but I can’t say it stayed that way after high school lol… it got worse ahaha, I literally just tried doing push ups and I have no upper body strength whatsoever and so that is my push for this year. I want to slim down, and I’ve decided that that is exactly what I’m gonna do. It’s not gonna be easy, but it’ll be worth it in the end. But with small steps. I think that’s the whole purpose in overcoming insecurities is that small progress is better than no progress. I feel good I actually put some effort into trying to overcome my insecurity with my weigh. As for my skin color, I think if I loved myself enough, my skin color wouldn’t be a problem. So that’s my goal for 2017. To find self love and self confidence. I know I can, I just have to put the work in. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways and I think that my journey This Year is to find which way I am beautiful in.

Everyone is different, everyone insecurities are different. I guess my whole point in my message today, is to not let our insecurities hinder us from our potential of being beautiful, or of being great or successful, or whatever it is we want to be. We can’t let the fear of something keep us from achieving our dreams, hopes and goals. I think the first step to even contemplating overcoming our insecurities is to commit to ourselves that we are willing to do what it takes to fight these insecurities. It’s not gonna be easy, but if we think of the good that will come from the struggles we’ll face as we strive to overcome our insecurities it’ll shape us in ways we aren’t really expecting it to. I think every person should know that they are capable of achieving whatever their minds and hearts are set on. We just have to be willing to put in the work. That’s the difference, some of us are more willing than others to put in the work.

We are our biggest critics and often we tend to hinder ourselves. I say we break this trend of being self imprisoned. I’m not saying you have to go to extreme lengths but, baby steps. Start off with baby steps. I promise you if you commit yourself to overcoming your insecurities or at least one you’ll be much happier. And what kind of person would I be if I didn’t do it myself. So today I’m committing myself to working on overcoming the insecurity of my weight. I took the first step, you can too. But only if it’s what you really want. We know a person can only change if they really want too.

So look into yourself, is this something that you want? I’ve always heard that mental health and your mentality plays a big role in every aspect of your life. We have to have a healthy mind to see positive results in life. Having a positive attitude and outlook is a step in the right direction. Because I feel that we do things based off of mood, emotions, feelings, attitude and mind set. If we have our mind set on doing something to make a difference, chances are we’ll do them, but that’s not saying what kind of difference we’ll make. It all goes back to having a healthy mind and mind set. If there’s anything most important about my whole spiel lol I want everyone to know that we can overcome things, if we are willing to put in the work. To never let in and never give up ! Someone will always be there to help you when you fall whether you know it or not. Someone will always be watching you, and who knows you might inspire them. LOVE YOURSELF, BECAUSE ONLY YOU KNOW HOW YOU WANT AND NEED TO BE LOVED ️️️

23 year old blogger. Just trying to find my way through this thing called life. Born and raised in Hawai'i.

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