College + Dating
Hey guys! I’m super excited to share share this blog post. I’ve been wanting to share more about college and the college experience. What better way to start this series of blog post with the topic of dating! Unfortunately, I’ve share this many times but I have no experience in dating whatsoever so I couldn’t possibly give you any dating experiences but I did find someone who can! Not only will we be talking about dating in college but we have a special guest who will be sharing her experiences.
Introducing Our Guest
Jessika is a fellow blogger I had the chance to reach out to not only collaborate on this blog post but I was able to learn some new things.
My name is Jessika. But everyone calls me Jess. I remember running into an old friend and through our conversation the question as to where I’ve been and what I’ve been up too casually came up. I’ve gotten this question quite frequently over the years and my answer has remained the same.”Oh nothing girl, just working!”.
The conversation would usually end at that point and as I would walk away I would then ask myself a follow-up question. “What have I even been working on?”. Yes, I haven’t been hanging out with the people I used to. Yes, I have “changed” and yes, I am feeling okay. But, I realized that being in “my bag” wasn’t just a corny saying. It was my truth. Focused on many things, that actually matter.
Workin’ Girl is a blog for the girls who won’t go out on the weekends because they’re trying to carve out their future. It’s for the girls who want to love themselves, always in a world where everyone wants to tear them down. It’s for the girls who know God, want to know God, and searching to live a transformed life. Workin’ Girl is for all the women who want to do better and be better. Who responds with “Oh nothing, just workin’!”
I’ve asked her some questions about dating in college and her experiences. So here they are!
How did you get into the dating scene?
I was always someone involved in a lot. I joined a lot of organizations that put me in the ‘light’ very early in my college experience. I think with that, came the guys who were interested. So I would say my activity level caught the eye of most and with that, it didn’t require me to put myself out more than what I already was doing to get a guy’s attention. I went to parties a lot so that came with meeting guys and seeing ‘prospects’. I went to college in Georgia and the culture was after a party everyone would go to the 24 hr diner to eat and meet up for conversation. I appreciated those moments.
What was your experience like?
I enjoyed my experience both before meeting my current boyfriend and afterward. College was a new world for me altogether. I was sheltered when living in Northern Virginia, and typical high school events like going to parties and sneaking out were not my reality. I learned a lot about myself very early on in my freshman year. Who I wanted to hang out with, where I wanted to go. To be honest, take control over this new ‘freedom’. And that included with how I approached dating.
What were your boundaries?
I had a few boundaries when it came to the relationship with my boyfriend. For starters, he wasn’t going to be a distraction for me. I 100% needed to still focus on my studies and graduating. We would make dates out of studying/going to the library. So it was a mutual understanding. Another boundary I had was to not allow for me to possibly get pregnant. being protected while being sexually active in college is very very important. There is a lot at stake as far as your future with that guy, how your life will forever change but also your health. So I made that a strict boundary in my relationship. I would then lastly say that I was never going to feel ‘tied down’ to someone where I cannot follow my own goals and dreams. I was able to accomplish a lot with my name on it while being in college. I need to be with someone who will support that and ‘allow’ for that personal success to take place.
What did you like about it?
I liked the evolution of my thought process when it came to guys. In high school, I didn’t really care for the guys who did well in school or came from good families or what they wanted for their future. I remember as I was talking to guys just getting to know them, talk about family history, childhood experiences and future aspirations would come up. That was new and something I really appreciated with what came in the college sphere.
What did you not like?
I didn’t like how even in college boys bring drama into your life. I had an expectation that people were going to have higher maturities and maybe not act the same as the guys from high school or even younger. There was definitely a difference in mindset with me and the guys who may have been interested in me. I was very focused on becoming someone while in college where maybe their goal was something else. When I got with my boyfriend I also didn’t like the questions I got from others about why I was in a relationship when this was ‘college’. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I still went to parties, I hung out with my friends, I joined a sorority, ran for a pageant, and started an organization. I still accomplished all I wanted to.
Is there anything you would change?
I am a believer that everything happens at the correct time. I had about a semester of singleness in college before meeting my current boyfriend and I think I got really over getting to know multiple people. I was at the point where I was looking to build something more long-standing vs a current fulfillment. My friends maybe took until junior year to do that or even just left college to being single altogether. I wouldn’t change anything. I learned a lot from dating in college when it comes to myself, healing from my past but also my empathy towards others. I’m grateful for the experiences of college but also what I and my boyfriend accomplished together over the years.
Do you have any advice for college students when it comes to dating?
Please please please, stay focus on why you are there in the first place. A lot goes into getting to college but also even more importantly, staying. Grades and graduating on time should, of course, be a priority, to then creating what your future will look like afterward. Often times the distractions in college come from the opposite sex. I would also say, take your time. Most people want the fairy tale ending with marrying their college sweetheart, but focusing on you is also okay. Don’t come in wanting to jump into a serious relationship when you have 4 years to live and experience an opportunity that a lot of people are unable to get. I would also say try new things when it comes to dating. Whether that is, giving someone who is typically not your type a chance or maybe begin to develop what do you like to do for fun or for dates. I remember I really liked taking walks around campus at night with people to get to know them. That was something that over time I now cherish when having conversations with my boyfriend.
I’ve learned a lot from this collaboration with Jessika. My eyes have been opened to how I can apply what I’ve learned to my own life. So if you’re an incoming freshmen or maybe you’re like me and haven’t been in the dating scene, take these experiences and make the best of your college years! Now is the the time for trial and error, for having fun and making memories.
Thank you so much to Jessika for helping me out with today’s blog. You can catch more of Jessika on Instagram (@workingirlblog) or her own blog www.workingirlblog.com!
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24 year old blogger. Just trying to find my way through this thing called life. Born and raised in Hawai'i.
Such an interesting and NEEDED take on the college life ! I love how Jessika reminded us that “remember why you were there in the first place”! Dating is suuuuper fun and exciting but at the end of the day – it can get messy and confusing and can really mess with progress.
Who would’ve thought! Our parents were right lol “Focus on your studies” – My dad for years and years… and still going.