How fitting is it that we end this year with a blog post! Blogging this year was a little bit hard for me because my inspiration levels were no where near what I wanted to be able to produce blogs for you all. So I tried to take that time to find this inspiration to create the content that I feel that is 100% me. Here’s just a small glimpse of what 2019 what like for me. The constant up and down with life left me emotionally and mentally drained and let me tell y’all I wanted to QUIT!
2019 has been the year of many challenges for me. I had a lot of low points this year, that at times I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out to be honest. I cried so many tears I don’t think I ever cried so much in my life until this year. There were times I would cry to one of my friends and ask her why everything in my life was going wrong. Questioning why these things were happening to me, begging her to tell me what I did to deserve to be going through these suckish times.
I love my space. I like being alone and in my own little world. I could appreciate my family, my roommates and friends and be okay. But this year I felt so alone, like no one could possibly understand what I was going through, I couldn’t feel that support that I’ve had before. I sunk so low into myself that I had depression episodes more often then I’ve ever experienced. Each time I had one it felt harder and harder to pull myself out. Choosing myself became a chore just like getting out of bed each morning. But I made it.
I should also mention I accomplished my goal of being able to teach in a dance studio. Even though it was a short tenure with me moving away, it’s an experience I will never forget! So shout out to Tia Stokes for taking a chance on me and let me be a part of The Vault Dance Studio family! Being able to share my talents and be able to dance again felt absolutely amazing. My hope is I can not only continue to share my talent but also grow my creativity with my craft.
Something about Christmas ?:
This year Christmas felt a little different. When I left Hawaii in 2016 I spent my first set of holidays without my mom and siblings. I remember I cried because I felt lost without them at the time. Holidays in my family are my favorite traditions because it’s filled with laughter, candy and good times. Last year my brother spend Christmas with me so I felt a little bit better. And this year my mom, sister, brother and nephew are here with my older sister coming in for a visit this weekend. I feel more full then I have in the past years around this time. Just having them here has been the best gift I could have.
I know that not all of us may not be able to spend this time with our loved ones, or maybe it’s a hard time for you. I just want to see that with whatever the reason you may be spending this special time away from your family, I wish you a very Merry Christmas! I am sending you love and light and comfort at this time.
Some lessons learned:
I’ve learned a lot this year about myself, about others and what I want out of life. “Life isn’t about finding yourself it’s about creating who you want to be.” Sometimes all we need is just an opportunity to get ourselves where we want to be. I am stronger than I think. I’ve survived 100% of my bad days! Why stop there? Always remember God, in my times of highs and lows, happiness and sadness, when I’m lost or when I’m content, I should always remember my Heavenly Father who is always mindful of me. I have the potential to accomplish all my goals. When offering help, to always be genuine about it. When someone is disturbing your peace, and causing you more harm than good let them go! For both of your sakes, it might hurt at first but it will be a blessing in disguise because there will be no more dead weight. But most of all to NEVER stop being yourself.
My hopes for 2020:
Speaking it into existence, I’m going to put myself back on track to get myself into the field I’m getting my degree in. I will continue to keep dancing and creating. I hope to broaden my horizons with The SassiNess blog and be able to create more content.
May God continue to keep us out of harms way, continue to bless us and guide us in our various directions of life. May He bless us with an incredible year to come!!